Mommy bloggers seem to showcase perfection. Nope. I’m not the perfect mommy. I’m nowhere near it, but I, like many of you, feel the pressure to do more and be more. I get in that comparison zone. Today, however, I decided to be vulnerable and confess six things about my unperfect mommy life that are scary, embarrassing, and real.

1. This mommy’s house is usually a hot mess. I want to be one of those people who has a home that you can stop by at any time and their house is immaculate from top to bottom. But you’re going to have to give me a whole lotta notice before my house is guest ready. My house looks lived in and we’re working on putting things back where they belong. In fact, my husband is a farrrrrr better cleaner than I am. I would be in heaven if I could just cook and have someone do the dishes, clean the bathrooms, and everything else.

   

2. This mommy is a hater. Sigh. Yes. I’m a hater. Ugh. This revelation is the most humiliating and the one I want to keep secret. I’m the type of person who gives props to girls on social media who are killin’ it. And the “Yassss girl”s are genuine, but when it’s someone I know doing something super awesome, going somewhere amazing, buying a new house, etc., I get the pangs of jealousy in my stomach, and my chest gets tight.

I call this my Jealous Goddess Within. I’m trying to figure her out. I’m learning to observe the feeling and not judge the feeling or beat myself up over the envy and jealousy, but I have a long way to go to understanding the hurt she feels. Do you have a jealous side, too?

3. This mommy suffered from postpartum depression with her first baby. I’m not afraid to tell people about this, but it is sad that what should have been the best moment in my life (life with a new baby) was the worst moment ever. I had never been in such a dark place before. I was embarrassed, and I felt so ashamed that I didn’t tell my doctor and I suffered in silence.

I’m proud to say that with baby number two, I sought out help when I was six months pregnant. I never wanted to feel that darkness, anxiety, and despair again. I had a much better first six weeks the second time around. You can read about my journey here.

4. This mom doesn’t know WTF she wants to do with her life. I know entrepreneurship is in my future, but I’m not sure of my lane. Do I want to be a Life Coach? A Virtual Assistant full time? Do I want to retire a teacher? Do I want to write another novel? I have no idea, and that’s nerve-racking and exciting. My job is not to force anything. My path will reveal itself.

5. This mommy is not a cool, calm, and collected mama. Nope. I lose it at least twice a day. I want to be so much more relaxed and not yell, but damn it, my daughter seems to not hear me when Mommy asks or suggests nicely. This leads to number six.

6. This mama sometimes thinks that there is a better mommy out there for my daughter. Someone balanced, who likes to play, who isn’t addicted to her cell phone, who loves and encourages the constant talking, and someone who keeps the house perfect. Someone like Joanna Gaines, lol. But I know God put my daughter right where she needed to be and I’m the best mommy for her. We help each other expand.

So what I know for sure (Oprah voice): I’m tuned in with myself. I’m too hard on myself. I love my kids. I love this blog and the opportunities it has opened up for me. I’m not perfect, but I love life.

Share one your not so perfect mom moments and one moment that you’re proud of in the comments. I love talking to you goddesses.