Hello, Goddess. I’m going to take a moment to be vulnerable. A few months ago, I took inspired action. My soul screamed for me to be set free from a marriage that was tearing apart my soul and bringing me to a very angry place. It was something that I always thought about doing but I never thought I was brave enough to do. I took my two kids, one of them still an infant and moved out. I chose separation as my course and it was the most difficult and boldest decision I had ever made.
There was no cheating or hitting. There was, however, name-calling, deep resentment, severe irritation, vicious arguments, and basically we had abandoned each other and were growing apart. He also refused to get counseling. Bottom line, I was miserable and I’m pretty sure he was too although he was super shocked when I announced that I was leaving.
The first night I laid on the floor in our new apartment because our air mattress had a hole in it, I felt so incredibly sad, scared, and lonely. Then one of the neighbors got into a horrendous screaming match, and I felt that I made a mistake.
I kept pushing, however, and my parents helped me move my furniture (my husband helped, too (weird, I know). I decorated the way I wanted to and made myself at home as much as possible (I would never feel quite at home there, though). The important thing was that I did what I was set out to do. Leave a situation that did not serve my soul.
I had no clue how to get an apartment, get renters insurance, or set up electricity, but I figured it out. This boosted my confidence. Me, my five-year-old, and my five-month-old were going to be just fine.
My soul was screaming that a marriage like the one I had was not what was good for me. It had been whispering it to me for years, hell even before we got married. Now my higher-self was yelling for me to get out and I finally did it. After the initial sadness and shock at having my life turned upside down, I felt like a badass. I had my back and I would do anything to make sure that my spirit was always taken care of.
During dark times, self-care and staying on track at work and in your personal life is a must. Check out some glow-up tips here.
Believe it or not, there is a time to be selfish. In the selfishness of self-love and loving yourself you in turn help everyone around you, your babies, your friends, and the people you work with. Why? Because you’re in bliss because you took ownership of your life and you cultivated, carved, and manifested a better situation for yourself.
You should have lines that no one is allowed to cross. There are names that you won’t call me. There are things that I will not allow you to do to me. This goes for all areas of your life. This also goes for when people ask you, “was it really that bad.” Yeah. What you allow and what I allow don’t have to be the same. I also don’t have to answer to anyone else about my life decisions. Your boundaries will piss people off but who cares. This is your life.
I will not allow a man or anyone to disrespect me. I’m not the type of woman who can just allow a man to do anything to me while I cry and bare it year after year. No thanks.
There will be arguments and disagreements but you can take the venom and hate out of your arguments. With counseling, you can learn how to better communicate and ultimately fight fare.
Leaving my husband made him step up in a big way. It was then I realized how hard I was working. I am very grateful that he stepped up, but let’s say he hadn’t, I learned, in our separation, that I could supply all my babies needs (except that of needed a father).
My daughter’s behavior got worse during our separation. Fortunately, my husband and I became a united front, reinforcing consequences and rewards. Don’t be afraid to see a family counselor to get assistance with your kids’ emotions.
Wise women have always told me that I must have my own money. Money provides freedom and access. If I did not have my own income and my own bank account, I would have been trapped. I hate feeling trapped.
Between my parents who were sad about the split but still help me move and the friends who gave me emotional support and lots of hugs, I realized that I am very blessed. I wasn’t lonely after all.
This does not mean I would return to the same thing. When I left my husband, I had no thoughts of returning. I didn’t want to work it out. I was ready for the “d” word (divorce if you were thinking of something else, lol). I had to stand in my power and not return until we went to counseling, set goals, learn a better method of communication. Most importantly, I know that love is just not enough. You have to work.
It may not be the place that we imagined but we will always end up where we need to be when we need to be there. Go with the flow.
Update: I have returned home. I’m happy to be back in my cozy home. I’ve returned with boundaries and expectations of both my husband and myself. I realized we have to be intentional in our relationship and set goals and encourage each other to be the best. We can’t be afraid to invite a counselor into our relationship in order to find different strategies.
I pray that we manifest the type of relationship that we both dreamed of and we flourish. I also hope we never forget these lessons we learned.